Don’t Break My Heart, My Achy Br….

All I can picture with typing the title of this, is that comic with Batman slapping Robin. I picture you the reader as Batman, slapping me as Robin as I start wailing in as, oh, what’s his name, that whiney, washed out, country boy {I realize I’m using tons of redundancy here} …. Ok, I’ll be more specific. The pretty boy that used to sing country music and then tried to ride the coattails of his sweet Disney princess daughter turned xxx vixen. I honestly can’t remember either of their names, but I can totally picture both of them. {My eyes, my eyes…they’re burning}

Yeah, you’re welcome for getting that song stuck in your head. I would rather have Flight of the Bumblebee and Old MacDonald Had A Farm stuck in my head.

Well, it’s been an interesting week or so around here.

Handsome fractured his foot in a couple of places recently. Since he can’t speak, we’re putting pieces together to try to figure out all the details. It’s a slow process.

It was frustrating to get to the bottom of xrays. I felt like Homer Simpson trying to buy a gun. “But I’m mad now!”

I suspected Handsome’s left foot was broken. Didn’t really take a rocket scientist to figure that out. Actually, the doctor couldn’t figure it out, so maybe it did take a rocket scientist. The deep purple bruising, the pinky toe twisted outward, the swelling, and the yelping of pain when you touched it….all those things kind of pointed toward the idea that his foot had something wrong with it. I’m no rocket scientist, I can assure you, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once. Once. That may give me more qualifications than a couple of doctor’s we’ve had the misfortune of seeing in recent weeks…

My first call was to Shriner’s Hospital, since Handsome has been a patient there for the past six years. Even though he is a current patient there, they could not order xrays without a referral to do so. They told me to take him to a walk in clinic that does imaging, have the xrays faxed over to them, and they would schedule us for an appointment based on the xray findings.

Took Handsome for the xrays on a Wednesday around lunchtime. Doc said his feet looked perfect. At this point, I can only assume he meant aside from the severely pronated ankles, deformed toes, and flat arches. He assured me there was nothing wrong with his left foot, sent us on our way, told me to give him Tylenol for pain management (even though we already discussed the liver disorder), and said he would get around to sending the report over to Shriner’s.

The doctor did what he said he would do, and faxed the report over to Shriner’s late the following day. The outpatient clinic at Shriner’s was getting ready to close by the time they received the report, so they scheduled us for first thing on Friday morning. A little later, the receptionist at the doctor’s office called to apologize to me for not seeing the fractures, and wanted to ensure that we were receiving adequate care. {crickets}

Anyways, here we are. The pictures can probably tell you better than I can.

image-1 imageIMG_20151030_093404IMG_20151030_105322IMG_20151031_155049 IMG_20151031_111622

In that last picture, he is trying to hand me a pair of scissors to cut the cast off. Hence, the “don’t break my heart” sentiments.

It’s excruciating to hold my tongue and keep from saying what I really  want to say about the medical industry. Maybe I’ll talk about that another time.

Anyways, much like the situation Homer found himself in, I had to mumble through my frustrations and anger while I waited. And just to clarify, no, I did not buy a gun. Quite frankly, because if I did, I would be about as responsible as Homer and as authentic as Emmet.

You’re welcome for getting that song and image stuck in your head. Just another service I provide. Have a nice day!

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